Solitary Confinement

'Solus Ipse'

There never will be a darker day than That Day, at least that is what I hope. I did not realise this was a sad occasion. It seems some things never get easier the second time, and whoever coined that phrase probably never thought it through.

Time and time again I keep repeating my mistakes, placing a heavy burden upon myself, inflicted only by myself. Maybe Fate was getting tired of me never learning and left no mercy in its actions. But still I wish I could do it all over again, something I should have done, something I should have said, somewhere I should have been. Nevertheless, the fact has hit me right in the face, like how a car on the highway would.

I am sorry I have left another soul lonely and I would give anything to change it, change that very moment, that very sentence I said. Now, I am alone in my own dismal situation, surely someone would understand but not someone I know of this moment. The silence is cold and unforgiving, it is the kind of silence many fear and dread. The sickly lurch I feel with each footstep, the trailing misery with each passing day, it may just be enough to drive me insane... But I'm still perfectly sane, completely able to feel every pin-pricked second and all I can do is apologize, to that person or perhaps to myself?

The solemn atmosphere and silent raindrops continues on and I don't think I want to change it. I am tired, for once, I am completely worn-out and beat. I have nothing to say to defend myself, for I am guilty as charged. My guilt is like my shadow now, it lives alongside me and walks with me though I cannot see it. All because of the wrong turns I made, I have condemned myself to a life of regret and I have to walk to road of guilt alone.

Never again will I look at things by the same perspective. Perhaps this was just another series of unfortunate events or perhaps it's just life taking its course. Every things will be different now, from the very sights I see down to the very steps I take. There's an empty feeling in the air, where something should have been and always have been, only that I have always been taking it for granted. A thousand apologies would never make up for the hole in my heart and shadow in my soul.

'He's there in my heart, He's there in the dark

He waits in the wings, He's gotta play a part' - Lenka