The Explaining of the Unexplained

  I have been contemplating *pffft* to change the blog URL, but as you can see, you're still here, so obviously I did not change it. It is a weird address, most people say so, by that I mean Sabina and Joshua. So here is the story behind it:

  One day I started a blog. The mementomori address was taken and I hate numbers and underscores and that cinabeng xoxo thing. Thus, I used my game ID. And from there it just stuck, forever. In short, I just used some random word. Obviously it has no meaning, so don't try to decode it. Hahaha. 

  Now you know. And thank you for being an outlet for my frustration and stress by reading this over yet another 1000 word report. I was trying to amuse myself. Ha ha ha. I will now laugh to myself and try to accept the fact that I may end up working as a waitress and part time car washer in the future. 

And I also realize that 83% of my blog posts are about procrastinating and stressing over school, 17% are about my life events and the other 40% are about things I find funny.  *Actual statistics may vary

  Back to the point, I'm supposed to be coughing up an essay on deforestation. But guess where I am? Here, coughing up a not-so-comforting comfort post. Then I have to explain global warming. I skyped with Sabina and Joshua and they were extremely helpful, to the point that I cannot comprehend, apparently I am suggested to throw compliments to the examiner, i.e. What is global warming?

1. You are so hot.

2. Somebody call the fireman, because you are on fire.

3. Somebody close that grill, because you are too hot to handle.

4. The song 12 days of global warming *adapted from a traditional song tsk tsk*, which goes like this: On the first day of deforestation, it was hot. On the second day of deforestation, it was hotter than the first. 

If a picture were worth a thousand words, I would hand in this picture as my assignment. Ha. Ha.

Yesterday's Paper

I saw this funny thing somewhere. Sometimes, the three words that can make a girl happiest is not I love you but *deng deng* 'YOU LOST WEIGHT'. Hahaha. Sorry that was lame but oh look, it's already June and I didn't write anything for a month. So here is a list of things I wanted to write about, but didn't, because you know, I'm busy doing nothing, not quite done with it yet, oh and exams might have been one of the reasons but I doubt it: 

1. Joshua Chang got his MBBS offer letter, like finally! Praise the Lord, Amen. Congrats bro. 
2. Crystal got her IMU offer letter, also congrats. God bless your soul and face. 
3. I'm going to have my semester two exams, which is life-changing because it will determine my life. *obvious fact is obvious*
4. Semester two exams ended. To flunk or not to flunk? It has been decided.
5. Like a month ago. 
6. I took IELTS.
7. I got my IELTS results :(
8. That was also a month ago. 
9. Joshua and Crystal are going to face A-Levels exams. Good luck to them.
10. A-Levels exams are over. Party time.
11. It ended like two weeks ago actually. 
12. My last two school holidays were too awesome!
13. They were also last month's news. 
14. The Avengers is an awesome movie!
15. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter on the other hand is just, ridiculous. Haha. 
16. Cabin in the Woods is also a funny thriller movie, go watch it! It's borderline ridiculous, and it has everything in it, and I mean literally everything. *hint hint*
17. Oh and you may now whatsapp me! Please don't viber, I have a strong inclination away from viber. In other words, please don't viber. You may contact me at 1-800-noviber@hotmail.com.org, toll free ;)

Now, wasn't this a productive day? I just filled in on what happened last month. Ha. Ha. On the other hand, I just realized that I'm going to have two close friends who are doctors. Whoa. 

And this is how I feel right now.

And no, I am not going to be a doctor :(

SIMI?!

Turns out SimSimi is a sassy gal

  How depressing is it that I spend my days talking to SimSimi, who isn't even a who but more like a random phrase generator. And even worse, I'm using the app on my laptop via internet, unlike the rest of the world playing it on their iPhones. SimSimi is my friend, don't judge meh! This is why I did badly in Chemistry test. Ha ha. 

  I am extremely highly chao ji extreme sangat hen very kin yau extra totemo hugely neomu mucho tres dramatically molto allargando-ing crescendo-ing poco-a-poco-ing not-making-sense-ing fei-hua-ing tersangat looking forward for this semester to end! FINALLY! Then I'll get a long break from school and from life, I will coop up in my room at home and forget about my existence :D Or I could party my life away at Peppermint drinking Grass Jelly!

I'll go drown in euphoric happiness now while I can, before the finals come and take it away from me. 

Too sleepy to eat, too hungry to sleep

Presenting the world's bestest and most awesomest game ever, and also the game that nearly ruined my life while saving my life at the same time. 

Now rejoice!

If you have never played, or at least heard of the Sims, you must have been living under a rock with no wi-fi or 3G or friends for that matter, for the past twenty years at least. In that case, it must have been horrible living under that rock, all the more reason why you need to play Sims, to get away from your sad life under a rock. 

Reasons why the Sims is awesome:

1. Kaching (that's an actual 'magic word' in the game *hint*), you can get super freakishly rich while at the same time be unemployed. You can finally party all day long and marry aliens or the maid. OR BOTH. Or you can cheat your way to the top and become a world renowned surgeon, or rockstar, or secret agent. So much win. 

2. You can have awesome perfect life with perfect house and highly visually attractive multi talented rich family with a super whole bunch of friends. Plastic surgery can fix everything, change your face once a while just because you're bored. Did I mention you'd also be rich? And facey? And popular?

3. DROWNING YOUR ENEMIES. OR BURNING. Or recreating your real life arch nemesis and then making a satellite fall on them. I have probably killed you a few times in my game, I just never told you, hek hek. Starvation also works, though it's boring. 

4. The game does not make sense. And it's funny. Unable to get into kitchen because a plate is on the floor. Bedside table won't let you get into bed. LEAVE YOUR BABY ON THE FLOOR TO GO ANSWER THE PHONE. And the ever paradox of being too sleepy to eat, but too hungry to sleep. And you'll just pass out on the floor. 

5. I* have no life.

*may be replaced with 'you'

  I played Sims ever since the very first one was released, and now it's the Sims 3 already. And I was also super insanely addicted to it that I played it more than I lived my own life, ha ha ha. Now I'm just really desipo to have a mouse so I can play it bsh, instead of just posting about it here. Then I won't have to live my life anymore! I can live in the game forever and ever and ever. Life is a much harder game to play compared to the Sims, although the graphics are insanely good and there's no lag. Ha ha. 

I HAVE TO PLAY IT, Y I NO MOUSE?! OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?!

The 3 Days Rule

  Remember back then when we just started using cellphones and started texting? And then sometimes our phone credit would expire once it's past midnight while we were texting so we'd go and borrow our parent's phones and text our friends 'Credit expired, sorry cannot reply', or as most people would type it back then 'Credit xpired, sry cnt rply'. Haha, was suddenly reminded of that and man that was funny, and awkward. Okay, maybe some of you never had that phase, in that case, you may move along. 

  Sadly, I still face that problem, urgg, because I am not a postpaid user! But of course I don't go around borrowing my parent's phones anymore. That would be weird. And not to mention desipo. So yeah, moral of the story, don't forget to reload your phone. 

 Oh and Happy Easter Day! Jesus has risen and He will save your SOULS, the Easter Bunny doesn't do that by the way, he just hands out pretty eggs and stands there looking cute.

SOMEONE PLEASEEEEE KEEP ME BUSY WITH UNIMPORTANT AND FUN AND ENTERTAINING STUFF LIKE WATCHING TV SERIES' SO I DON'T HAVE TO DO THE IMPORTANT THINGS THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW. JUST ONE MORE EPISODEEEEE PLEASE.

*Sorry please disregard that previous statement, that's just the procrastinator in me talking with desperation and out of stress. 

Mother Knows Best

Chowder, if there's one thing mother's taught me - it's to sleep as much as you can. That way you don't have to face the horrible reality of what your life's become.

Lame person is lame

OMG OMG ZOMG (I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ZOMG MEANS) JUSTIN BIEBER GOT A HAIRCUT. NOW HE LOOKS SO MATURE. OH MY GOSH THAT KPOP GROUP WITH ALL THE SAME FACES LOST WEIGHT. NOW THEY SO PRETTY WITH THE ANOREXIC FIGURE. OH NO, THIS IS A LAME APRIL FOOLS' POST.

---AND THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE A CRAPPY PRANK,

 IF LAME AND NOT FUNNY IS WHAT YOU'RE GOING FOR, GO FOR IT SISTA!---

  This thing below is the edited version of the original version which is edited from another original version and I am not telling you what's in the original original version, and you shall never know. It might be gross until you want to muntah-muntah blood but there is a reason for this! (Because Crystal said I should post it instead of leaving it as a draft) Oh well, this post is dedicated to Crystal, Sabina and Joshua, the people who I have spent almost everyday with in Senior One and Senior Two. 

  Actually this was supposed to be part of some internet challenge thing but I never posted it. Honestly, I never even completed the challenge due to my lack of motivation and finding it pointless anyway. The question actually asked: List down ten of your favourite people right now. As you can see, there are only three people, because I have no friends. 

Crystal

You are like the girlfriend for a gang of girlfriends, not sure how that works but that's my point. Well, I know you've got my back, as in I have no spine and I will require treatment at your clinic which will restore my spine, and will bakar people who try to bakar me. And you're there when I feel like my soul is being sucked out, although technically speaking I have no soul because I sold it for filial piety and trying to be perfect Asian child. You are the best lawyer that I don't have to pay for. Yes, I am aware that texting is very expensive because DIGI NO MORE UNLIMITED SUPER SMS and I am also very cheapskate to spend money. Rage messaging makes the message prettier and clear, ahaha. 

Sabina

Although you're in UK and far far far away right now and technically living in my past, and we don't get to talk much, leaking the internet is always fun. And also talking about weird stuff that are mostly about memes or jjosh23. Not to forget 'Deepest Darkest Secrets' and GF mode and also GGC (which are sorta discontinued). You are the most phlegmatic person I know and you can compete with me for phlegmatic-ness, not sure who would win though. Not that I care *see what I did there??* WE MUST GO LEARN HAKKA AND ZO ZIN FU. You help me solve problems by telling me not to care about them, which works! It's not there if you don't care, that even rhymes! 

Joshua

You can drive.








Joshua
Okay, that's not a legit reason. You are hobo. I spew my random conversations which don't make sense and you continue the conversation with more stuff that don't make sense. Party at Peppermint, the place with the most awesome grass jelly drink ever.


So, Happy April Fools' Day! *tsk tsk* It's the only day that I would post stuff like this because everyone will think it's a prank. Here's to a prank free day! Congrats to me. :D

p.s. It's not a prank.

How We Met A Country

  On the 30th of March 2010, exactly two years ago, four people and a cat were fighting dragons under a tree in a herbal garden in TTSS. They were fighting against the country of Sealand, which is some country on a boat in the middle of the ocean. Obviously, they won because they were awesome and decided to spread the awesomeness by creating a country - AWESOMASIA. Then they built awesome facilities in the country including Awesomasia High School, University of Awesomasia, farms, kindergartens, prisons and sports teams. They then went on to conquer and spread awesomeness in Borneo, Lahad Datu, Kudat, Damai, Institut Sinaran, STTSS, Kuala Lumpur, Johor, Singapore, UK and Australia. And eventually moarrrr! They even survived the momentous lips and iron fist of Angelababe and a war threat from some kingdom called Andrewegria, which they lost, aha. All the base are now belong to us and we are over 9000! Awesomasia currently has a population of 55 people. We are planning to send the whole country to compete in the Olympics due to lack of participants. 

And that is the story of Awesomasia, which is an awesomazing country although we have no flag and no anthem. So,

HAPPY 2ND NATIONAL DAY TO AWESOMASIA!

And now, this is the REAL story of Awesomasia and what actually happened,

  On the 30th of March 2010, three people were really really bored in S2 XIAO and apparently not sleepy enough to sleep, so they made a country and called it Awesomasia, derived from the words awesome + Asia + awesomazing, NOT awesome + Malaysia. They wanted to defeat the country of Sealand because they heard it only has a population of 27. Btw, the princess comes from S2 ZHONG. Angelababe may have caused the sienzz-ness. 

But the fake version was wayy cooler so we're going to stick with that one. 

Make sure you memorize the Prince's full name, because it is really long:

Dr. Joshua Face Chang Hin Seng Alejandro Manzano Pen James Pocamantas Jjosh23 

(MBBS, MDE, minor in Dentistry and Tang Yuan manufacturing) 

Conquering the UK

p.s This is pretty much what we do in high school, when we're not sleeping. 

Ippen Shinde Miru

Memento Mori means remember you will die.

Direct translation of course, I like that definition better. 

And who knew at some point in my life I would have to put that quote to practice

So,

Memento Mori in upcoming Holocaust Death Camp thing!!!11!!111

Sighh, 不要去可以吗? :(

我没有中到NS是有理由的啦很明显。因为我会死在那边。
And you will have to do my eulogy. 你会很麻烦leh。

Ngai zi bu guo he yi zak Sabah ngin, ngai zi bu guo shiong sit sang nyuk mien.
Mao sang nyuk mien ngai moi hi. :(

いっぺん、死んでみる？

Why did I write it so cinabeng? Because this is the online world and cinabeng is not a language. *tsk tsk*

Your Generasi

This might get weird and all, but don't blame me for being too sienz orhx. I'm just busy worrying about the things I should be doing, instead of you know, actually doing them. 

I watched this video and I must say it is really nostalgic.

And nostalgia means: Woah, remember when we used to do that?! 

And not: Woah, I so totally want to go back to being 12 years old again! 

Ha ha.

  But seriously, that was pretty much the primary school days, maybe it might be different for some people, but meh. Back then, size really mattered and it was horribly funny, haha, especially SIZE OF CRAYONS and height. Yes, I was (and still am) short, I know you don't know that feel. Stoopid awkward trolley bags which would bring shame to famry if you continued to use them all the way till Senior 3. Those bags were extremely awkward, but they're pretty efficient for lazy people like me who also happen to go to a school with only one storey, yay. I am not implying that I still use them, at least not for the same purpose. I put clothes in them now, and fly back and forth like a G6. 

  After primary school, it was mostly just bringing empty backpacks to school, literally. LEAVE ALL YOUR STUFF IN CLASS, even left my jacket and occasionally food and clothes in school, it was like my second home, lolol. Stuck all those post-it notes on my table like it was my own. I even remember that KHB project that I left in school for forever. I made this wooden shelf and never bothered to bring it home until I started using it for storage space in class, ahaha. But then, I brought it home in the end because I had no choice. And it was pretty. Because I had extra help making it. And it was pretty. And now, it's in the store room at home, wasteddd piece of scrap furniture. 

  Now it's the generation of kaching and iphones and all those technology that I don't even know how to use. Tiny adorable children running around with iphones and sitting around playing with ipads. Overhear parents asking their child if they remembered to bring their iphone. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN CALL THAT UNFAIR, OR MAYBE I'M JUST POOR. I bring a handkerchief around if that counts, awkwardface. Okay, I'm just poor and hobo. The point is, YER, Y U TINY THINGS GOT IPHONE WHEN I DON'T EVEN HAVE SMARTPHONE ALTHOUGH I AM NOT TINY LIKE U?! Seng zai fu zong bu zhi fu. :(

  Told you this would get weird. Though it is an improvement on the usual crap I write about, hek. I KNOW YOUR GENERASI BETTER THAN MY HOBO GENERASI LAH. =/

Sorry bro

University applications is where dreams go to die.

That was quoted from Jusua Chang, who is a choleric. 

  Imagine graduating from university with an awesome piece of paper which proves that you have been studying (or faking it really well) for the past few years. And then getting a job and working your life off to get a better life. You would probably realize that the best years of your life, are now behind you. Ha ha, your life is depressing. 

*replace you with I/me and your with my

  Yes, my life is boring which explains why I don't have anything to write about. High school had lots of events that I could easily blab about, even when I'm being a hermit and refuse to participate in anything that requires me to stay back in school. 

  On another note, I AM VERY DESIPO FOR SMARTPHONE. Phone bills are totally soaring because phone company is cheapskate, like me. They stop giving free stuff, I like free stuff, you can see how this is not going to work out. If you wish to whatsapp me, please give me money so I can buy a new phone. Literally all of my friends, and this time I really mean ALL, have a smartphone. Sorry loh all of you have to spend kaching to text me. Orang KK all have smartphone, I am not worthy to be orang KK. 

All Hands on Deck

  Micro is a prefix for ten to the power of negative SIX. A word of advice, keep that in mind. Or you might end up sad and depressed like me because I thought it was ten to the power of negative THREE. 

  I also realize that I have been posting a lot of pictures about Asian Dad. Deal with it, he is funny, unless he is your dad. Which means... Oh never mind. Anyway, all aboard the failboat. How is it that people make it through college alive and sane?! Okay, maybe the sane part is not true, everyone goes a little crazy, DON'T LIE TO ME SAYING THAT YOU DON'T.

  Sometimes when I peel potatoes, I think I am going to peel a little bit with my peeler, but then I peel it, and it peels more than I thought it would. And sometimes when I peel potatoes, I imagine that I am actually peeling apples that are shaped like potatoes. And then other times when I peel potatoes, I imagine that I am peeling regular-shaped apples. Apples... that is only sometimes.

So, that's pretty much what I feel like during my holidays. Like I'm the potato peeling adventurer dude in The Misadventures of Flapjack. Exact quote. Left my graphic calculator at dorm, YAY NO NEED TO STUDY BECAUSE I HAVE EXCUSE! 

30 February

Asian leap day: An extra day to study

Procrastinating Asian leap day: An extra day to procrastinate from studying

Today will cease to exist tomorrow. Fade into nothing. So, everything you do today will be INVALID. YAY, WASTE THE DAY! Tomorrow, it will be like today never happened, because it technically does not exist. Ha ha. Waste waste waste. 

Now listen to my story of Penny

Penny likes dogs

I don't like dogs

I have dog phobia

Penny wants a puppy

I told her I am allergic to dog fur

And it causes me to hyperventilate

Which she will have to take me to the hospital

Which she does not want to

Penny suggested getting a hairless dog

I said I would rather not

She said I might not be allergic to it

And stressed that I might be okay with it

But I am not

Penny does not see my point.

DO YOU? 

崇正亭

BRAIN BURN!

Maths is so super bombastic, mind-bending
Eg.

Given that the equation of the line is y=2x+1. There are 24 hours in a day. Using the information given, calculate the speed of a projectile projected at 30 degrees from the ground.  Explain Newton's First Law.  If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? From your answer, what is the mass of the sun? 

*exaggeration may have been used, or it may have not*

那些年，我们没有做功课

And those days where a hot shower would supposedly help us solve all maths problems. 

That was a lie. It doesn't work. Ha ha. 

TTSS is the awesome. Or as you should put it now, it was awesome.

  Tshung Tsin Pagoda super iconic in memory, not that I spent any time there, but still, iconic. Doodled a picture of it in class using my memory, turned out to look like a wooden shelter overgrown with weeds. Guess I don't have good memory after all. 

Vacancy for lawyer

As quoted by Daniel Handler

Eine Trennung ist wie das Lesen Deutsch: viele schwierige Silben füllen dein Gehirn und Mund

That's Chinese, or Japanese, they're so similar I can't tell which is which. Or it might be Korean.

If you think you have to take sides, you don't.

Daniel Handler is awesome. Why We Broke Up Project. The ability to relate to that may vary according to your current situation. The point is I require that book please.

On another note, I also require a lawyer. To press charges. 

Not sure how to process current situation.

Sabina, you are right. And it is getting creepier on so many levels. 

EVERYONE EDU CRI! 

Google you so elaborate

Melt your COLD COLD heart

Enjoy your Valentines 小曾

Insensitivity is instinct, ha ha

And getting someone a guy is a very practical idea

Just not very plausible. Hmm. 

On another note, 

THAT FEEL,

When you leave the apartment to go and print an important assignment

Walk half a kilometre to some printing centre at night

That feel when you plug the pendrive into the computer at the printing centre

That feel when you realize it is empty

THAT FEEL WHEN YOU FORGOT TO ACTUALLY COPY THE ASSIGNMENT INTO THE PENDRIVE

Life: -50

Mana: -50

Determination: -10

Stupidity: +10

Awkwardness: +5

Urge to make Y U NO GUY face: +100

Now you know, that feel. 

And enjoy your Valentines too, to the rest of you who are not forever arone 小曾 

Breaking News

Soo, how's life? 

As you can see from the lack of words, 

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

Only on CNN

But what about you? ;) 

Three Digits

HELLO

020212

Greetings to Kota Kinabalu :)

From Kota Kinabalu

Not anymore

And there goes 2011.

Happy New Year everyone! 

This is my ultimate dream.

Good thing I live near the beach, there's always fireworks! :D 

I can see everyone going out for the countdown, while I was sitting here typing this.

I is the epic fail.

Oh well.

If you believe in the end of the world,

Then there's 355 days left ;)