Solitary Confinement

'Solus Ipse'

There never will be a darker day than That Day, at least that is what I hope. I did not realise this was a sad occasion. It seems some things never get easier the second time, and whoever coined that phrase probably never thought it through.

Time and time again I keep repeating my mistakes, placing a heavy burden upon myself, inflicted only by myself. Maybe Fate was getting tired of me never learning and left no mercy in its actions. But still I wish I could do it all over again, something I should have done, something I should have said, somewhere I should have been. Nevertheless, the fact has hit me right in the face, like how a car on the highway would.

I am sorry I have left another soul lonely and I would give anything to change it, change that very moment, that very sentence I said. Now, I am alone in my own dismal situation, surely someone would understand but not someone I know of this moment. The silence is cold and unforgiving, it is the kind of silence many fear and dread. The sickly lurch I feel with each footstep, the trailing misery with each passing day, it may just be enough to drive me insane... But I'm still perfectly sane, completely able to feel every pin-pricked second and all I can do is apologize, to that person or perhaps to myself?

The solemn atmosphere and silent raindrops continues on and I don't think I want to change it. I am tired, for once, I am completely worn-out and beat. I have nothing to say to defend myself, for I am guilty as charged. My guilt is like my shadow now, it lives alongside me and walks with me though I cannot see it. All because of the wrong turns I made, I have condemned myself to a life of regret and I have to walk to road of guilt alone.

Never again will I look at things by the same perspective. Perhaps this was just another series of unfortunate events or perhaps it's just life taking its course. Every things will be different now, from the very sights I see down to the very steps I take. There's an empty feeling in the air, where something should have been and always have been, only that I have always been taking it for granted. A thousand apologies would never make up for the hole in my heart and shadow in my soul.

'He's there in my heart, He's there in the dark

He waits in the wings, He's gotta play a part' - Lenka

Rain on my head

I'm finally almost done with the J3 Zhong 08' class trip planning. Now I feel worn out and beat and tired and used up and whatever-word-that-can-be-used-to-describe-my-situation. I passed out leaflets to almost every class, made 3 trips to the CCA building and it almost killed me, and finally got the class trip approved and ready to hand out the parental consent form. I didn't study for the moral test tomorrow, which I am planning to flunk like my biology test today. I can't take it anymore, I've got tons of work to do and I feel tired and depressed and miserable. Seriously.

Dead and alive again

So, I just suddenly remembered about my blog which I haven't touched for a loooong while. And I think that I should at least try to keep this place alive although I'm the only one who reads it. Ha.

Last Thursday was the senior one BM forum competition and I was unfortunately involved in it even after I said I will never participate again. I don't like the pressure, it's way too much... We all agreed to ask Vernon (Ver-gnaw-n) to write our script since he wasn't really part of the team. And as expected, he wrote a very long script but it was pretty good considering the material given to him. Haha. So we all memorized it and practiced a few times and heck, just got it over with. It was a relief to have it all over. Haha, just right before the holidays, which only lasts for 3 days.

This may be a very long post but who cares... Next I went to the Doulos (which is the floating bookstore) with Sabina, Crystal, Ian and Tham. I guess it was sort of a wrong decision to go there at noon, 12pm sharp. It was so hot on the ship and I kept sweating like two pigs. I spent most of my valuable paper on books I bought since I couldn't resist myself. Come on, it was Winnie the Pooh! Hahaha. I also bought The Water Babies, 2 of them actually, for myself and Clinton asked Sabina to buy it for him also. And then Ian bought another one, so there's 3 'The Water Babies' in the bag. Tham thought I bought them all so Crystal said it was like a disposable book, read 3 chapters and throw it away. Haha. We bought ice cream on the Doulos which tastes really good and I was almost stuck in the toilet because I forgot which direction to turn the lock and it was pitch black inside. 

We went bowling after the visit to Doulos. It was a very interesting story how we got to Centre Point from the docks with no transport. We actually walked half the way there, well until we reached Jesselton Point and we got on 2 cabs (because a cab can only hold 4 persons) to Warisan Square.